And now, Bad Joke Friday

 Bad Joke Friday started a few years ago as a thing a friend and I did within our group at work. The concept isn't that hard to grasp - tell a bad joke on Friday. Not exactly a difficult concept to grasp. People would still be upset when the jokes were bad, but it's in the name. They were warned.

We've both moved on from that job but Bad Joke Friday continues. Each Friday I work, I share a bad joke with my group. Rarely have I ever had the chance for a Bad Joke Friday in real life - that's not to say I don't tell bad jokes on Fridays, but the opportunity to live in the moment with one rarely presents itself.

On Friday, we are in Sintra at the National Palace. As we discussed previously, it is all very into romanticism. This includes many gargoyles.

 This particular gargoyle is on the way out of the palace. 

"Why is there an alligator on the arch?" Someone in my group asked.

"Because it will see you later," I replied.

Bad Joke Friday. It does what it says on the tin.

I could show you secrets behind every closed door

 Sintra is a short drive from Lisbon. Sintra also introduces a theme that will run throughout the trip: romanticism. 

Romanticism was a movement in Europe that emphasized an idealistic version of the past, the individual, and nature. It used emotions to create nature - in that there were places specifically designed for you to be awed, to be terrified, to be spontaneous. Think along the lines of stumbling upon a mysterious bridge in the middle of the forest.

Couldn't you just imagine spotting a troll under this bridge? Or a mysterious knight walking across? Or a forlorn woman wandering and lost, needing your help? What Big Emotions on this Ancient Bridge! How authentic and natural!

Except it is not. This is called a folly. This is a bridge with no actual, practical purpose other than it looks good. There's no creek or river or gap it crosses. It's just a bridge on a path. 

A sun dappled bend in the path where you can hear nothing and everything? The silence of the absence of people for miles around but the cacophony of the forest teeming with life? The groan of the trees bending and swaying in the wind, the leaves rustling from the breeze, the birdsong echoing through the ills and into infinity? Nope. A folly. 

Our guide welcomes us to romanticism as a kind way of saying "walking through the forest and up hill at the same time." She says, "we are going to experience a bit of romanticism," before we climb up again. It's all good fun and experience a bit of romanticism becomes a running joke for the rest of the tour.

 

A palm tree?! In Portugal?! Yes! Also a folly. James is not a folly.

Sintra was initially created as a royal getaway. It hosted generations of the Portuguese Royal Family - right up to and including when it became a Republic. The Royal Family stayed here until the last of them died out. One of the many royals it hosted was King Consort Ferdinand, of the House of Saxe-Cobourg-Gotha. This was a European royal dynasty from 1826 to present to 1917. If you're asking yourself why Saxe-Cobourg-Gotha sounds familiar, I will take this moment to remind you that we pronounce it "Windsor" in English.

Ahem. As I was saying, Sintra. 

The Pena National Palace was the summer residence for countless Portuguese royals and their families over centuries. It is has many architectural styles, based on who the biggest trading partners/builders/most influential people were at the time. Primarily, the influences are neo-Gothic (romanticism again), neo-Manualine (romantic, no?), neo-Renessance (do I have to say it?), and neo-Islamic (or Moorish). 

There are so many styles because each generation that lived here had a different opinion on what it should look like.

The palace was built on a monestary and few original parts remain. The influence of the monastery remain strong, with many chapels and prayer rooms, each with beautiful stained glass.

Virgin Mary, St. Michael, King Ferdinant II holding Pena Palace in his hand, Prince Henry the Navigator

Pena Palace (and the Romanticism Theme Park surrounding it) was also very advanced for its time. The engineers were very smart and figured out pretty quickly that the people living there would need water. Fortunately, this place isn't all that far from the Atlantic Ocean! But you can't drink ocean water. So they figured out a way to collect rain water and other run off.

Fortunately for you, you can sit by the fountains and basins and sigh wistfully as you long and hope for the love you may have lost or are yet to find. This isn't a folly because it has an actual functional purpose. 

 

The tiles on this fountain were done in the Moorish style. That is to say, they were made of individual pieces of coloured tile, as opposed to one tile painted many colours. 

Next: I'm surrounded by these walls.

The countless eyes dotted in the night sky

 One of the driving factors of me visiting Portugal was the fact I'd been to a couple of places deeply influenced by it. Another driving factor is that I wanted to do a National Geographic tour with G Adventures and this was the one running during my birthday.

After a trying couple of days travelling and not a bad sleep, I was off to Lisbon at ass o clock in the morning. I knew that UK passports would have a lot more difficulty getting in to EU than a Canadian passport, so I entered on my Canadian passport. Pretty cool how that works.

I got into a Portuguese Uber and arrived at my hotel. The lobby of the hotel was very modern and spiffy. My room wasn't going to be available for a few hours but Lisbon is very walkable. The wonderful front desk person gave me a map and pointed out some really cool things and off I went. Portugal has a lot of really great food to offer but the first thing I wanted to do was have a McPlant. McDonalds here does not have McPlant so I made it a goal while in Europe to have one. They're really good! We should get them!

Walking around downtown Lisbon is a treat. It's a city on a hill. All of the sidewalks are made of limestone tiles. This isn't something limited to the tourist districts either - it is all over the country.

Sometimes the squares have building of historical importance (but no signage). In this case, the front of the building was mirrored in the tiles.

The tiles can also be entirely plain, but most times they will have a design in them.

                                                        If there's a compass, there's a tattoo.

Most of the buildings in the city are covered in beautiful tiles. The tiles are primarily blue and white, with occasional other colours.

Motifs on the tiles are generally floral or botanical and there will be more on them later. 

When I get back to the hotel, I notice I'm in a single room. This strikes me as a bit odd but not unusual; there are many reasons why I could be in a single room. It could be that's just how it worked out with the room block, or I'm the only single female on the trip, or maybe I got an upgrade because I was nice to the front desk. At any rate, it's the fanciest hotel room I've ever been in. It's all glass and mirrors and marble. All the lights are controlled both at the door and beside the bed. The window opens! It's a juliet sized balcony window and it's wonderful. The blackout shade and the curtain operate by push button! The blackout shade is also the tits. Probably the best blackout shade I've ever seen, given that it went from the ceiling to the floor.

Next: Sintra? I hardly knew ha!

You took the words right out of my mouth

This one is word heavy. More pictures in future entries.

Travel can be stressful. There are many things you can do to mitigate this. One of those things is planning in advance, and having a back up plan or three. Be adaptable. Breathe. Go with your gut. 

My plan was to fly to London, spend a day in London, then fly to Lisbon. If this didn't work, I would buy a drastically reduced, confirmed seat. If that didn't work, I would fly out to London the next day and have a stressful day in Heathrow getting to Lisbon.

Working for an airline, we have travel privileges. I won't get into the details of them but it's nice that we can get on a standby flight for a very, very low cost. The key word here is standby - as in, you may not get on the flight you want. As the day I was travelling approached, the likelihood of me boarding the first flight I wanted at a low low price was slipping away. I bought a ticket at a drastically reduced price and guaranteed myself a seat on the plane. This gave me a bit of sleep when I needed it and far less stress than the other plans. I did learn that the daytime people (like me) are way nicer than night time people at my work place. I can see why people don't like my airline.

When you're flying on travel privileges, there are certain expectations. There is a dress code (they can and have denied boarding for not meeting the standard) and behaviour rules. Don't dress like a slob and don't be an asshole. The biggest rule of travel privileges is Don't Talk About Travel Privileges. If you break any of these rules, you run the very real risk of losing your privileges or your job. When I fly on privileges, I have a nice shirt I always wear and if it's not summer I will wear Grown Up Jeans. This time I even threw in a blazer because I didn't think a multi-purpose scarf would pass muster and I get cold on planes.

There were people flying standby who were not going to get on the plane. They were well aware before arriving at the airport that this was a full flight (some jerk bought a ticket at the last minute, eliminating the possibility of anyone getting on standby). They were told again at the airport that it was a full flight. Most of the people waiting to fly accepted this. But there's always one. There was a couple who was so low on the priority list that even if there were seats available, they wouldn't have got on who chose this moment to blow the ever loving hell up. They have an infant. The infant needs to meet their great-grandmother before the great-grandmother dies. The airline should pull someone off the flight so they can get on with their infant. This went on for about five minutes before they looked to the other standby folks in the gate area for back up. These folks all ignored them. None of them were going to go out on a limb for these jerks. Me? I've got my phone filming them. Yes, I'm a narc and sent it in to the people in charge. If I'm going to wear less than comfortable jeans and look like a grown up and follow all the rules, you should too. You absolutely had he chance to buy a deeply discounted ticket like some blazer wearing jerk did at the last minute and you chose not to. Don't make that my problem or the problem of anyone else around you. This is a You Problem and you are breaking the rules. Enjoy not flying for cheap for the next year, I'm getting on this plane.

After arriving in London I faced another choice. I have a UK Passport by Double Descent. It's neat and really only useful for visiting the UK or visiting two countries that would raise flags to Canada Border Services Agency if you went in a short time span. In London, I saw the line for Canada/EU/other countries passports and it was damn long. The UK passport line? Almost empty. So I entered the UK on my UK passport. The plan from here was to take the hotel bus to my hotel, drop my stuff off, then take the express train to London and spend a day walking around. This did not happen. The hotel bus took about 45 minutes to find, another two hours to arrive, and half an hour to get to my hotel. The bus company was unbothered by the loads of people waiting for the bus - it was the driver's first day and he was lost. So....send another bus? Nope, not a possibility, you'll just have to wait. By the time I got to the hotel I was exhausted and just went to sleep.

Probably for the best as I had an early start to Lisbon. The airport bus to go back was on time thankfully (but I had a plan if it wasn't). I got to Heathrow and remembered why I love airports. They teem with life, with energy, with possibility. And in London at least, there's Pret A Manger. Pret isn't specific to London airports but this is where I find myself visiting them more often than not. Pret is a coffee shop/bakery/deli and it's really wonderful. Reasonably priced (even in an airport) and a great selection of food. 

I had a delicious airport breakfast of porridge and an oat milk latte. Both were very beige and felt appropriately British.

Next: Obrigada, obrigado, brah!

Magna Eterna

 I've struggled with posting this. I've started and deleted so many times. I've seen a lot of famous and spectacular and breathtaking things in the world, and they've all been special and exciting. They've all meant something in their own way. I cherish each of the memories I have of them.

But none of them are this. None of them are as meaningful and significant to me as Petra.

I grew up poor. We didn't have a lot. We did have a VCR and a VHS copy of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. We didn't get along as a family but we watched this movie. I have this movie memorized. I can tell you all of the trivia, all of the bloopers, all of the anarchisms, all of the minutiae of this movie. I can even tell you about the Pepsi commercial. To this day, if you want to absolutely kill my productivity, put this movie on. I will stop what I'm doing to watch it. 

I've never really thought about filming locations. I assume that most movies are filmed on sound stages and back lots and elaborate sets in Hollywood. I think it's really cool what talented artisans and pedants can do. I didn't think of the places Indiana Jones was filmed as "real" places, always assuming they were a sound stage. It wasn't until the internet came out that I learned not only is Petra real, but it's still around. To say it's been a life goal to visit is putting it kindly.

Now I am an adult and focused on things like making sure I get a good night's sleep because in the morning, I am going to Petra. I know I need to get sleep or I will be tired and grumpy and I don't want to ruin this experience for myself or anyone else. So I go to bed very early. We spend the night in Alexandretta Wadi Musa in the oddest hotel I've ever been in. Our room had a curtain along the back wall that opened up to an empty pool hall. The window opened to a half roof situation.

We got up before the first call to prayer. Our breakfast was at 0430 and we had to be on the road at 0530. Our guide told us we would thank him later as we would get to Petra for 0600 when gates open. We would have the whole place to ourselves because who wants to get up that early? 

James does.

Inside the park, our guide tells us how Petra has long been a gathering place for numerous cultures along the Silk Road. Primarily it was used by the Nabataeans as their capital and as a fortress. There are several spots where we can see how advanced their designs were, such as where they had two gutters - one to collect rain fall for drinking water, and one to divert sewage from the drinking water. I wasn't smart enough to get a picture of this.

Over the years, many cultures came through this area. This means many languages and many stories to be told and many wheels being needlessly reinvented. Somewhere along the line, someone started carving dioramas into the rocks so people didn't have to start over again. For instance, this carving beside a large open area, depicting that it's a good place to let your camels rest.

And your James'.

There's a pivotal moment in the movie where Indiana and Henry ride on their horses through a gap in the rocks. You hear the music play so you know something big is going to happen. The gap in the rock opens up with light and the music crescendos. 

This shot in the movie is a little bit of Hollywood trickery. The Siq - as it is called - doesn't open up to the Temple. It doesn't stop me from taking a moment to calm myself. Because this is all suddenly very real. I need to breathe because if I don't I'm going to cry.

We carry on and learn a bit more about the people who have been through here, about the Bedouins who still live here. It's all very fascinating and helping me focus. 

We learn about Petra Hajj, a gathering place of pilgrimage and worship for Muslims of the time. This was carved into the stone as a depiction of the Kaaba. Muslims would practice Hajj rites around this.

I've said it before about G Adventures and I will say it again - this is a company that really goes out of it's way to give you an unforgettable experience. Our guide stopped us at one point and gave us a geography lesson. The canyon of the Crescent Moon that Petra was carved out of was once under water. Millennia ago there was an ocean where we were standing and erosion lead us to where we were now. On days like today, if we all stand close together and stamp our feet in this very spot, we can feel the ground move because of the water. So we stamped. He told us to stamp harder. We thundered! 

Just kidding. If you look over there, that's the Treasury.

Holy. Shit. 

For a moment I could not actually breathe. This wasn't something that felt real. It wasn't happening, least of all to me. I wasn't actually here - that's not possible. I have to actually remind myself to breathe because there's no way I would do it on my own - I've proven now that I can't be trusted with such things.

I actually started crying. Because this is real. I am here. This is happening. And I've only caught a glimpse. There's more to it and I need to see every inch of it I can.

I'm still crying because this is a thing that is meaningful to me. This is the 10 year old poor kid who was picked on and didn't have a good home life, and took comfort in this place. This 10 year old never thought this was real, let alone that she would get to see it - ever. But here it is and here I am and it's so very real. And I'm here. There's that not breathing thing again.

I don't have the skill with a camera or with words to tell you about this place. About how it feels. It feels like it's from another world. You get such a sense of time and place when you look at it. You get a sense for the fact this was built in 1 BC and it apparently took far less time than you'd think. 

It was built as the final resting place of the Holy Grail a mausoleum and a crypt. It is called the Treasury due to the legends surrounding the urn on top. In reality there's nothing in the urn. Our guide tells us of markings on the building that match up with the Gregorian calendar but in reality they have nothing to do with the calendar. They're just decorations.

I manage to calm myself down. I sit on a bench and just stare at this magnificent building. I can breathe on my own without reminders. I'm not taking a lot of pictures because I want to be present. I want to take in all the things around me - the braying of the camels, the murmur of the crowd, the silence, the smells, the feel of the sand. I want to be here. This place is huge - the rocks are 39 metres tall. The space is slowly staring to fill with people but I don't care. I know this is one of the moments in my life I will never, ever forget. 

Writing this, I haven't done it justice. It's still so hard to believe that it's real and I've been there. I cannot describe the significance of this place or what I felt in these moments. This was important, this made an impact.

Wow. Woah.

Next: "802 Steps" must mean something else in Arabic.

Lived and learned from fools and from sages

 In the land where three of the world's major religions were born, it's strange to see a church named after a saint. It's strange to see a Christian church at all. Not in a negative way of course; we've been able to set our clocks by the Adhan (call to prayer) that would ring out multiple times of the day over loud speakers and car radios. Jordan is predominantly Muslim in everything it does, so the Byzantine church of Saint George was a very different place.

Inside the church isn't much different from any other Christian church you've been in. Mostly set up like a Catholic church with the stations of the cross, a few holy water fonts, and even a crypt. Knowing the few things I know, I think if it were Catholic and not Greek Orthodox, it would more properly be described as a basilica.

Remember a while back when I spoke of pedantry? About how it is fairly inarguable that the site of Jesus' baptism was in Jordan and not Israel? This is how we know. The Byzantines who built this church were very good at keeping records, and very good at mosaics. This particular mosaic was built on the floor of a church, which was destroyed by an earthquake in 746. It was partially destroyed but much of it remained.

The map is 16m by 5m and is oriented East to West instead of North to South. In Greek, it depicts several holy sites, including that of Jesus' baptism. There are various scenes in appropriate locations - a lion hunting a gazelle in the Moab desert, for example - and serves as a guide, a jumping off point for several Christian Holy Land pilgrimages. The map's accuracy has been proven by many archaeological discoveries further a flung. 

We carried on to Kerak Castle. This castle was continually occupied for eight centuries. It's been occupied by Muslims, Byzantine, Moabites, and Ottoman. In no particular order. Wars were battle in and for this castle due to it's strategic location and excellent views. Most importantly, whoever controlled the castle controlled trade in the region, as they could physically oversee the trade routes.

Kerak Castle was a one stop shop for those who conquered it. 

 

                                                                        There are prison cells.

                                                                     There are barracks with balconies.

One of the reasons the castle has stood so long is physics. Well, architecture. But also physics. Arches are very strong and this castle is full of them. They were meticulously built, and were as our guide pointed out, "Muslim arches."

The difference is that arches made by the non-Muslim conquerors were not pointy.

The view was spectacular.

Next: Little rock.

Oppressed so hard they could not stand

 It has been said that on a clear day, you can see forever. 

Forever means different things to different people. Here in Southern Alberta, "forever" means being surrounded by big sky and flat prairies that dance on the wind as far as the eye can see. There are endless straight roads carving through the flat land and the foothills that are breathtaking. Time seems to stand still as you drive down these roads with fields of wheat, canola, and corn on either side of you, until you're brought to the foothills which roll into a different kind of forever. The road is still endless, it simply ebbs and flows with the remarkable vista of ranchlands morphing into forests, climbing and climbing until you're surrounded by the embrace of the Rocky Mountains. Forever shifts up then, taller, majestic, and literally breathtaking as the air thins while you climb ever higher. On a clear day the colours change from golds and ambers to verdants and emeralds, to slate grey and silver and white. 

Forever means different things to different people. In bibical times, forever meant wandering in a barren land for 40 years and staring into the Promised land. It meant punishment and longing. It meant an old man went up a mountain and died alone, staring at what he'd worked for but was banished from achieving, and eventually dying.

We couldn't see a lot, but from this spot you can see Jericho, the West Bank, and Jerusalem. On a clear day.

There is a Byzantine church at the top of the mountain. Inside this church are very well preserved mosaics that depict Byzantine customs, the history of the area, and the flora and fauna that used to be there.

These mosaics were created in the 5th century BCE. They were rediscovered starting in 1933 and were preserved by not being found for so long. The Byzatines were really good at making mosaics and when they were built over/buried by time, no one really thought more about them.

Atop the mountain is a sculpture called the Brazen Serpent.
 

Arguably representative of either caduceus or the rod of Asclepius. Either way it was built to stand as a visual of the serpent on a staff that Moses used to protect people from deadly plagues. Basically, it's a giant vaccine. 

Mount Nebo stands out in Jordan as the custodians are Franciscan monks,  not Jordanians. Monks from all over the world come to do monk things here and care for the lands. This is the first place I've ever seen a monk! He was taller and had more hair than I expected, and was using a cell phone. He was also a lot younger than I had expected. I didn't get a picture because it felt wrong (also I was drinking coffee which was a little more important to my addicted self). 

Next: pedantic maps and a castle that could cause a riot.